Staying on the Hook
By Dale Parsons

“So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me” (Philemon 17-18).

In two sentences the Apostle Paul fully describes the admonition to forgive. Paul is speaking of his partner in ministry, whom he refers to as his own son, Onesimus. His encouragement to receive Onesimus as Philemon would receive Paul is similar to the teaching of Jesus about being merciful to those in need, “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me’” (Matthew 25:40). Many difficulties could be avoided if we lived by the words of Jesus. How many broken homes, churches, and lives could be restored if instead of seeking our own best interests we received and loved each other as we love the Lord? Can we truly say that we love the Lord and want his presence when we allow unforgiveness to remain in our lives?

When in verse eighteen Paul says, “If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me” Paul steps in as a true advocate. The consequence of sin is a broken relationship. When sin became the nature of humanity kinship with God was severed. The justice of God required eternal punishment for sin. Hope for humanity was completely lost, there was no remedy for the effect of sin until Jesus, the supreme advocate, stepped between the almighty judge and the defendant and said, “Whatever he has done, whatever he owes, I will pay.” So Isaiah declares, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all” (Isaiah 53:5-6). By the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on our behalf, the righteous dying for the unrighteous, the loving for the unloving, the holy for the unholy, eternal life was made available to us. By faith, complete trust in Christ, we receive the eternal benefit of the advocate taking our punishment on himself. Humanity was given the opportunity to be set free from sin and eternal judgment.

The church, the Body of Christ, is to be a living illustration and proof of the forgiveness of God. We are to live the command to love and forgive. Yet the reality of strife and unforgiveness in the church remains. Power struggles, territorialism, divisions over ideas, plans and programs have marred the church and hampered its effectiveness.

A local church should be a respite from the world. The gathering of the Body should be like salve on an open wound. Just to be together with our spiritual family should be the longing of our hearts during a week of activity in a world hostile to the things of God. The fact is, forgiveness must be a stronghold the in Body if it is to survive.

What is forgiveness? The definition is simple and yet it is one of the most difficult things for us to do. Forgiveness is the release of our right to demand punishment for what someone has done to us. Forgiveness is not a denial of the injury. It does not ignore the incident. In fact, in order that forgiveness may be all God demands, it requires that we fully acknowledge what has been done. When the wrong is understood, forgiveness requires that we turn loose of our hold on the right to demand punishment. Forgiveness is a decision to let the offender go free.

There are many things forgiveness does not require. Forgiveness does not demand that we remain vulnerable to further injury. If someone is determined to continue to injure us we are not required, in the name of love and forgiveness, to let them. If a criminal offense has taken place, forgiveness does not require that there be no punishment as dictated by the law. Forgiveness does not require that we face the battle alone. Counsel and support from trusted friends can be a great source of strength as long as those friends know how to keep confidence.

We often hear the admonition, “We just need to forgive and forget.” Impossible, and for a very good reason. God is the only one who truly forgets. Not because he has too much to recall, but because he chooses to remove our sins “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12). God said, “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). God has chosen not to remember our sins. We, on the other hand, do not have that ability. Over the course of time the details of a situation may lose their clarity. If the incident is not rehearsed there may even be a day when it is forgotten.

Part of forgiveness is our inability to forgive and forget. If we could truly forget the moment we choose to forgive, forgiveness would not carry the importance or the spiritual strength it does. When we obey the command and allow the grace to forgive, we are kept on the hook. Invariably the situation will come to our mind again, even after we have truly chosen to forgive. When it does, we will again make a choice. If we begin rehearsing the situation we will relive the pain and anger of the injury, and again we will be asked to forgive. If, on the other hand, when the injury comes to mind we rehearse the choice to forgive and rekindle the power of God’s grace to live it, we continue in forgiveness and the process of healing forgiveness provides. Unforgiveness does the most damage, not to the one who caused the injury, but to the one who experienced it.

Staying on the hook means forgiveness is a grace in which we will choose to walk again and again. Forgiveness is an opportunity to experience the very same grace with which Christ stepped before God and said, “I will pay for their sin. I will take their punishment.” And by the grace of God we walked free.

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